Tessa's Journal.

FRIENDS ONLY. Comment to be added.

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach.

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am
I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go.

And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home.

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning?
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up,
And you said “This is the first day of my life.
I'm glad I didn’t die before I met you.
But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you,
And I'd probably be happy”.

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me.

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading subtly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand?
'cause I've been in love before,
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands.

If I give my heart to you,
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her...

If I trust in you, oh please,
Don't run and hide.
If I love you too, oh please,
Don't hurt my pride like her.
'cause I couldn't stand the pain,
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain...

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two.
cause I couldn't stand the pain,
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain...

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.


If I fell in love with you...

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long; think that its time to move
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon
so let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand, until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand,

Swing life away
Swing life away
Swing life away
Swing life away.

Love of mine, someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son, fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Then I'll follow you into the dark.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

Hello world,
Hope you're listening.
Forgive me if I'm young,
For speaking out of turn.
There`s someone I've been missing,
I think that they could be
The better half of me.
They're in their own place trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying
So I say you'll...

Come home, Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long, For so long.
And right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
The fight for you is all I`ve ever known.
So come home.


I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see.
The world ain`t as half as bad
As they paint it to be.
If all the sons,
If all the daughters,
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin.
It might start now, yeah
Well maybe I`m just dreaming out loud.
Until then...

Come home, Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long, For so long.
And right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
The fight for you is all I`ve ever known.
Ever known...
So come home.

Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be
And that`s why I need you here
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be
And that`s why I need you here
So hear this now

Come home, Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long, For so long.
And right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
The fight for you is all I`ve ever known.
Ever known...
So come home.
Come Home.

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
and don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and stillframes in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial
for what it's worth
it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable,
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skys are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

Biting keeps your words at bay
Tending to the sores that stay
Happiness is just a gash away
When I open a familiar scar
Pain goes shooting like a star
Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

And you might say it's self-indulgent
You might say its self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if I were to be healthy

And pens and penknives take the blame
Crane my neck & scratch my name
But the ugly marks
Are worth the momentary gain...
When I jab a sharpened object in
Choirs of angels seem to sing
Hymns of hate in memorandum

And you might say it's self-indulgent
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if I were to be happy

And sappy songs about sex and cheating
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting
Make me want to give mankind a beating

And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, I'd kick the bucket
Sixty times before I'd kick the habit

And as the skin rips off I cherish the revolting thought
That even if I quit
There's not a chance in hell I'd stop
And anyone can see the signs
Mittens in the summertime
Thank you for your pity, you are too kind

And you might say its self-inflicted
But you see that's contradictive
Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

And pain opinions are sitcom feeding
They dont know that their minds are teething
Makes me want to give mankind a beating

I've tried bandages and sinking
I've tried gloves and even thinking
I've tried Vaseline
I've tried everything
And no-one cares if your back is bleeding
They're concerned with their hair receding
Looking back it was all maltreating
Every thought that occurred misleading

Makes me want to give myself a beating.

I can finally say that once again I am truly happy.